Starfox Stereotypes: Humans
by Sharkbaitoohaha
Summary: This is all my opinion so don't get butt hurt over it, sheesh.
1. You must be pretty dumb

Finally! I have been dying to write about this for ages. Before we start I am actually just going to forewarn you guys that this is all my opinion and filled with plenty of vulgar language, so anyone that is offended? I am sorry for offending you, blah blah blah, and it is heavily likely I will post another one of these in the future.

So what is this about exactly? Well have you ever looked through the Starfox fiction archives for stories involving humans and notice a reoccurring theme? Here is a short list of the stuff I sure as hell noticed:

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**Number 1) 'Hoomans vs Furries'.**

As silly as it sounds this one is actually pretty common. Basically the setting of these kind of stories usually pertains to the obvious: due to some strange travesty or shady attack, humans are currently at war with Cornerians, and they sure hate each other's guts.

Typically the plot of these stories revolve around some badass human (always male… like seriously have not found one of these stories who use a female human main character in scenarios like this), who either gets captured or is forced to work together in a harsh environment with one of the main characters (typically a female, the most popular being Krystal and shockingly Miyu Lynx, who isn't even a canon character.) in an effort to survive. These ones aren't bad as they show the difficulties that these characters have to endure together, bringing them together as friends while working past their differences in order to achieve the impossible. The thing that annoys me, however, is that these usually spin off into romances.

No offense, but when your on a sweltering world with dangerous carnivore creatures and hazardous environments, rutting with some furry thing with claws, a tail and boobs should be the least of your worries. For once I would like to see someone use our favorite ace pilot fox in something like this, like crashing on a desert world with a hostile human pilot and forced to work with each other to survive, eventually turning into a great bromance. But nope, lets turn this into a romantic novel about some sexy scarred human guy with issues and pair him up with Krystal or whatever and have them understand each others feelings and blah blah blabbity blah. Why does the human have to be a guy? Why not get some rowdy girl hooman and pair her up with Falco or Wolf or some shiz? Hell even Slippy, I sure don't give a flying fuck. Seriously, the only the thing that makes those kind of stories worth the read is seeing what happens when they get rescued.

**Number 2) 'A whole new world.'**

This one is used a lot, and what I mean is the ones that are actually GOOD are very rare. The setting of this one tends to differ but its results are the same: a human (usually alone, typically a guy. AGAIN) will come into contact with our favorite team of smarmy furry protagonists, what happens afterward tends to also differ. My absolute favorite story in the StarFox fanfiction section actually uses this stereotype fairly well. The title of this story is 'The Blackhearted Hero.' Basically the main human character named Lance Callehan crashes on the planet of Sauria, with Starfox and eventually Starwolf coming to investigate. However, what shocked me about this character is that he wasn't some cutesy rainbow fartsy hero who would put people like Zack Fair to shame, he was a killer and a very brutal one. True he had noble intentions, but his methods of laying out death to his enemies (along with lots of blood, which would believably come at a shocker for Cornerians since they use laser weapons.) was enough to shake the team and those around them to their core. You would even begin to see just how harsh the lessons bore on them the further you read, with Lance being more of an influence then anything. Even when the team finally accepted their new pseudo-monkey friend, they still were very cautious and fearful of him (minus Slippy, who became best friends with Lance when interaction between them boosted his abysmal confidence to new heights.). It makes me very sad that the author of this fiction eventually left it in the grave, but I still enjoy rereading it.

Sadly, this is the only story that is like this, with most usually being a typical sexy hero human that tends to end up with some furry OC, hell I don't fuckin know. The moment stuff like that happens I just add the story to the blacklist, because in the end it feels like it is being written by some 13 year old who doesn't know how to be creative. Speaking of un-creative, lets talk about this next one.

**Number 3) 'Super sexy, guitar playing badass. With white hair.'**

OH, MY, FUCKING, GOD~ this is everywhere. Like… seriously, it is EVERYWHERE. This is by far the most used stereotype in 'human meets starfox' to date, and almost all of them are incredibly puke worthy. Jesus fucking fuck I am so sick of seeing this story type every time I type the word 'human' in the search box with Starfox in the smart search. I get it, your starting out here and this is the first thing that comes to mind when you want to write a story, I get it. I JUST DON'T CAAAAARE.

Putting it basically, the main character human (who is male, SERIOUSLY ALWAYS A FRIGGIN GUY?!) is perfect in everyway minus their issues with lost of loved ones that scar their minds yadda yadda yadda. They like to play musical instruments that woo the furry ladies (always a guitar, ALWAYS. Can we please get a badass that plays the piano or violin? Because THAT is sexy.), and they are just so damn GREAT to be around. They know how to fight so good that anyone at their level are pretty much just gnats at that point, and if even if the latter isn't true, AAAALL the Cornerian ladies think they are just so sexy with their muscles and a long hair and emotional states and douche baggery.

Seriously, how much worst can you make this? This thing is seriously fucking everywhere, haunting the archives of Starfox fanfiction like a friend that loves to stalk you, and the sad part? There is no stopping it, seriously. A few of them are good, but they are always the fucking same thing story wise, and tends to be paired up with said examples listed above. For one thing, why would some furry alien on the other side of the galaxy find a gangly monkey creature with a flat face attractive? How would they be able to, and vise verse? At least with the survival story type listed above we can kind of understand it, seeing as the two main characters are forced to survive together and eventually come to a deeper understand of one another…but honestly… It is like the people who write these stories put barely any effort into writing it, pretty much just putting it down to laziness and satisfying your own devious desires. And you know what the best part about these stories are? They tend to never be finished, like ever. A person will write like..what, up to 8 chapters, then lose interest as they continue to play World of Warcraft while chewing their cheesy Cheetos and sipping Mountain Dew(GUILTY). Come on guys, you can do better then this. (And I know your all fucking guys, because if you weren't we would see a FUCKING FEMALE HUMAN MAIN CHARACTER FOR ONCE.)

**Number 4) 'We are here to help!'**

This one is incredibly rare, and honestly the ones I have read so far are not that bad, albeit never finished. Basically the story has humans as the minor characters, introducing them as a friendly faction that tends to be of some help to our heroes. These humans have little to no impact on the story, but are an interesting resource in their own right. A few will be introduced in, forming bonds with characters in question but honestly not much more then that. I don't have a lot to go on because it is very hard finding stories like this, and that in itself is a given. I would honestly like to see more like this, but as you have probably seen above, I somewhat doubt that will happen.

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Whelp, that is it. What, you mad? Then send me a comment why you are so offended in avid detail and I will be sure to get to it eventually, once I am done eating my Doritos, drinking Dr. Pepper and playing Heroes of the Storm. Also feel free to be as mean as you like too, think I will care? This is the fucking internet, where everyone can be bold and brave with little to no feelings of reprisal in turn. I probably just get a kick out of it anyway.

If you agree with some of the stuff above then good for you man, comment on how you agree with me. Also, because I don't want to come off as a complete ass, sorry to all you authors out there if I insulted you some how, blah blah blah.( I am looking at you SANITARIUM, piece of shit. Still love you man, all the homo).

Short and sweet, I will probably write another one of these in the future, stay sexy folks!

PS: You wanna point out spelling errors? I don't fucking care kid, go home.


	2. BUMP

Bumping this story back to the top, because why not.


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